School Girls Using Lipstick

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of
the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in
the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and
leave lip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way
to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore
lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies
room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and
the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the
custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the
ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it
was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a
handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest
toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the
lipstick. That was the last day that the girls pressed their
lips on the mirror.







   	
Special Apples

A man walks in to the U.S. Patent Office with a sack of apples.
"I'd like to patent these apples," he says to the patent clerk. 

The clerk tells him, "You can't patent apples, silly!" 

The man says, "But these are special apples. There are none like
these in the world!" 

Curious, the clerk asks him if he can taste one of the apples.
He reaches into his sack, pulls one out and gives it to the
clerk, who promptly takes a bite. "Wow! This tastes just like a
grapefruit!" 

The man smiles and says to the clerk, "turn it over." 

The clerk takes a bite out of the other side of the apple and
exclaims "Man! That tastes just like an orange! What else do you
have in there?" 

The man gives him another one and the clerk bites into it. "How
do you do this? This one tastes just like a pear!" Says the
clerk. 

"Turn it over", says the man again. 

"Holy Cow, this side tastes like watermelon!" 

Then the clerk leans in close to the man and whispers, "Hey
buddy, do you have any apples in there that taste like pussy?" 

The man reaches into his sack again, pulls out another apple,
and hands it to the clerk. After taking a bite, the clerk starts
spitting the apple back out as fast as he can. 

"Hey jerk," yells the clerk, "This tastes just like shit!" 

The man smiles and says... "Turn it over!"









daddy longlegs

One day, little Suzy was being babysat at her grandparents'
house. Her grandfather was going to clean out the shed, and she
went to see what he was doing. 

She noticed two spiders in the corner, with one on top of the
other one, and said, "Grandpa, what is that spider on top?" 

The grandpa looks at the spiders, and says, "Well, that's a
daddy longlegs." and continues with cleaning out the shed. A few
minutes pass, and the little girl is still curious about the
spiders. She says, "Is the one on bottom the Mommy longlegs?" 

The grandpa says, "No, that's a daddy longlegs too, Sweetie,"

Then, the little girl walks over, stomps on and kills the
spiders and says "We're not gonna have any of that shit around
here!"










 	
My Radio

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a
junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to
the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon
for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind. Read
it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you
with.

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent
senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the
county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to
know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness
to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never
let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into
a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if
she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.

Sincerely,

Edna Johnston